we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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