No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
