dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
