On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
