My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
