we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
