i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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