but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
