its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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