3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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