idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm going to jail i love you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
