I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
