haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
