i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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