Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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