I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
