He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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