I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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