He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
