The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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