"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
