As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
