Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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