Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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