im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
