And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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