I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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