I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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