This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
