I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
