She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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