The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Enjoy the penises
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
