So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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