i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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