She's JV to your varsity
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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