just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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