So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
