whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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