you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
