Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just gift wrapped bread.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
