Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
