Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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