Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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