I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
