did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
