I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
