I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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