Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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