When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
