Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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