I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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