Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
