I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
