Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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