She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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