I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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