i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
