Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
