hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
