i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
