I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
