I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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