I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
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I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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