he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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