omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
