so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
