Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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