U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
