can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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