he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My bed smells like the plague
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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