Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
